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What It Means To Align With Love
Iris Chamberlain comment 0 Comments access_time 5 min read

The concept of “aligning with love” is stolen from an amazing man named John “Halcyon” Styn of Hugnation, who considers himself a “love warrior” and regularly encourages people to use love as a kind of spiritual guidepost.

These phrases may sound fluffy to you, but I fully believe that this is core shit, and it takes an immense amount of strength to live this way. I’ll explain what it means to me with a little story:

A few weeks ago, I experienced a breakup of a rather new but deeply powerful relationship (last week, we got back together in an even more powerful way, but that’s a story for another day). Point is: the breakup sucked. It was civil and loving, but man it hurt. I barely ate or slept for a few days. I cried a LOT. I called everyone I knew for help. I couldn’t focus. I was a mess.

That weekend, our bands were slated to play a show together (at the bar where we fell in love, on a night when we were also playing a gig together – Irony, you are a cruel bitch). If you can’t relate to the band thing, just imagine that you have to attend a Christmas party with your very recent ex. Except you also have to give a really emotional speech exposing all of your darkest secrets and weaknesses and then look happy and talk to everyone who wants to talk with you afterwards without having a public fucking meltdown.

Yeah. So I knew this was going to suck. All I could imagine was walking into this gig with my head hung low, feeling like The Inferior Woman, awkwardly saying hi to my new friends who would now look at me with hollow, disinterested eyes, performing my worst show ever and losing my shit shortly afterwards.

And I’m having this nightmare fantasy about the gig when suddenly my brain came to a screeching halt.

“IRIS! The fuck are you even doing right now? You are STRONGER than this now.”

The faster you catch yourself pulling any of your classic bullshit, the better you know you’re doing at being self-aware. In this instance, all of the work I’d been doing on myself in the past couple years came rushing back into me: self love, compassion, manifestation, courage. And it occurred to me that I have more control over the outcome than I thought.

So I stopped and asked myself a few questions:

  • What am I feeling right now?
  • What fears am I projecting onto my own future by expecting the worst?
  • What would I rather be feeling in this situation?
  • How can I plan for the best possible future instead?

Breakups are hard. Often we start with “oh god why did you leave me” and end up at “fuck you, you fucking fuck, go be a fuckhead somewhere else! FUCK!”

And believe me, I traversed that crazy spectrum from one end to the other multiple times before realizing that both total helplessness as well as self-righteousness came from FEAR. Not from love.

And when I asked myself what I really wanted out of this upcoming gig, the answer of course, was NO DIFFERENT than it ever was! I wanted to be excited about the show, I wanted to perform at my best, and I wanted to have a great time. I wanted to be close to the people I love and show them how much I appreciated them. I wanted to give the audience my greatest gift: strength in vulnerability. And I wanted to support my now ex and his band with all the energy I could muster.


So I started re-aligning myself with love. I let myself have feelings of sadness, and even took some strength from the bit of righteous anger I had. I started manifestation work by visualizing smiling as I walked into the door, energetically moving TOWARDS the people I was afraid would judge or dismiss me and hugging them, hugging my ex and offering a huge, genuine smile.

I envisioned giving my BEST PERFORMANCE EVER because there is absolutely zero reason to hold back when manifesting.

And I focused on the one thing that wasn’t ever going to change: that I love these people. That they inspire me. That I feel valued around them. Even the one who had caused me pain. I love them all and it fills me up.


And guess fucking what?

It WAS one of the best shows I’ve ever played! I built myself up with enough self love (and preparation) to walk in feeling strong. I filled myself with compassion, empathy, excitement, joy, and gratitude, and I aimed it immediately at the people I knew and loved.

Like a fucking care bear. Except WARRIOR MODE. WARRIOR CARE BEAR.

And everyone… my friends, my ex, the audience – they reflected it right back to me! All night! It was mindblowing. All this effort had payed off, yet again.

There are times when perhaps it makes sense to write someone off. To be angry and let yourself have that anger. To cut people out of your life mercilessly. To grieve. To feel sorry for yourself. To duck out for a bit. There are times for all of it. I decided this was NOT that time. And generally, I don’t make those kinds of relationships anymore and I don’t want to live that way.

Instead I chose to align with love. It cuts right through the helplessness. It incinerates the anger. It makes anything less important just disintegrate and blow away like dust. And it guides you to what you want most and what you most need.

Be a love warrior. It’s not easy, but it’s SO worth it.

aligning with love compassion courage love manifestation self love strength

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